Grandpa: Thank you, I've been waiting for that. You see, it's my birthday, and every year, Ted's kids send me a Birthday Box. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the gifts I get from them, but they send me the same thing every year. They ask, “What do you want for your birthday this year?” I tell them, a crystal bell for my bell collection, but it goes in one ear and out the other. Every year the same thing, I ask for a crystal bell and I get…
For instance, this is from Janet and Alfred. It’s soap. (Open up soap shaped like a pig) Sure enough, hog wash.
(Pull out a dish soap bottle wrapped tight in tin foil, so every one can tell it’s a bottle of dishwashing soap) I’ll bet you can’t tell what this is? Go ahead, guess. (Pause) This is from John and Barb; it’s a tie. (While unwrapping it) Every year they try to disguise it, but they always send me a tie. (Pull it out) See. Well I guess I’ll hang this up with all the other ties I don’t wear.
(Pull out the next one) This one is marked fragile. Could this be my bell? (Turn it over and see the names) No, it’s from Kathy and Dave. It’s cologne. (Smell the box and make sure the audience realizes it stinks) Wow, it is cologne. (Put it down, unopened)
This one is from Jim and Nancy. It’s socks. (Unwrap) See. Oh, there’s something else in here. (Show it around and take a minute to realize you are showing your underwear. Once you realize what it is, hide it and look embarrassed.)
(This next gift is really a breakable glass. If wrapped in plastic wrap or a freezer plastic bag, the glass will not escape too badly. This is dangerous. So make sure people are not setting too close.)
(Pull out next) OK. Everyone in the front row, cover your face, and the rest of you plug your ears. This is from Cerlina and Art. Every year Cerlina buys me something nice and Art buys something that will explode or scream or jump out at me. So watch out. (Pause) Wait a minute. He’s not going to get me this year. Get me a hammer. (The Friend gets a hammer) This year, I’ll get him, before he gets me. (Breaks the gift, shock, then slowly looks under the paper and begins to moan) It’s the crystal bell I asked for.
This is from Ed and Gloria. This is the only gift I am never able to guess what it is. (Unwrap a knick-knack that is recognizable. Show it to the audience.) I can tell by the looks on your faces, that you can’t tell what it is either.
Oh, good, Cerlina bought me my favorite Peanut Brittle. (Open this and the snakes jump out of the can) One of these days, Art is going to give me a heart attack.
This is from Vi and Jim. Every year they buy me candy. But since they’ve gone on a diet, the boxes of candy have been getting smaller and smaller.
(Look in box, before it is pulled out) This is the gift I look forward to every year. It’s from Deloris. She’s six this year. (Pull out a hand made card and read it) Dear Grandpa, Happy Birthday, Loves and Kisses. (To the audience) This is my favorite.
Used by permission of CareActing Company